I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
