jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
