so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
