He kissed a someone with a penis
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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