Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
