What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
