if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Too much gin, very little bucket
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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