stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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