she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
