She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
