super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
