i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
