I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
