Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
