I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
