Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I need a burrito and a hug.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
