Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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