Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
