hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
