she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
