apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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