Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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