I never want to see another naked old woman again.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
