I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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