dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
