i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
