i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
