some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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