Im at strip club and am horny
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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