I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
