And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
