I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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