planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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