if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
