My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
