No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
