Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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