Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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