guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
