I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
