you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I need water and some morals
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Congratulations! We have a period
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