i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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