there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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