Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
