So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
