Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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