she told me i tasted like america
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
