Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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