I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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