the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
