No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It's official drugs can't kill me
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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